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Post by nightwolf on Mar 5, 2014 3:03:05 GMT
Sorry to bug everyone here with this but you guys are pretty much my only friends. But what are you supposed to when your whole life you've worked for is just slipping through your fingers and its your fault. Ive tried and its like watching rain fall through your fingers. I'm lost. Sry to bother everyone.
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Post by thetrufflehunter on Mar 5, 2014 3:06:57 GMT
Don't be sorry to bother us!
I personally need more details as to what the heck is going on, other than "shtuff".
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Post by nightwolf on Mar 5, 2014 3:09:47 GMT
My entire life. My wife. My sobriety.
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Post by fustydavorite on Mar 5, 2014 3:27:15 GMT
Dude feel free to vent. It helps.
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Post by nightwolf on Mar 5, 2014 3:29:04 GMT
Its not that easy my friend. Maybe after a few more I'll loosen up.
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Post by fustydavorite on Mar 5, 2014 3:34:23 GMT
Well I for one will have you know it doesn't bother me. I'm a pretty freaking open book and a recipient of others. Pains are pains and are meant to be handled through community. This is a pretty freaking awesome community, so I say it can be handled here.
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Post by icescythe on Mar 5, 2014 3:35:15 GMT
truly sorry for you, man. I don't really know what advice to give you because i do not know what you are going through, but i'll say a prayer for you, and i hope your life starts taking a turn for the better soon.  |
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Post by DrEggman on Mar 5, 2014 3:35:21 GMT
I am an alcoholic. (I still drink, but very rarely, as I know when to stop now) Trust me bro, "a few more" isn't going to help you. It affects a lot more of your life than you think it does. When I was drinking all the time, I didn't see who I was hurting, or what I was destroying. I thought, like most do, my problems were unrelated or distantly related to my drinking. Work performance was way down, relationships suffered, friends quit coming around, and all of this pushed me further down. All it took was for me to quit and I was able to fix most of the wreckage I created.
All this to say, your drinking problem isn't something to be taken lightly. Your life is in your hands, man. You just gotta take it back.
You can message or text me anytime if you need someone to talk to. It sounds lame, but it can really help sometimes.
PM me for my number.
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Post by nightwolf on Mar 5, 2014 3:40:11 GMT
I am a recovering alcoholic 3 yrs since I had a drink. Well I was recovering. My life us crashing around me and I have no one I can call or come pick up. I have to be at work at 4 am but I'm not sure thats going to happen. My wife is convinced I hate her because of the way I treat her. I get home from a ten hr shift and I just yell at her for no reason. Hell id leave me. I dont why its taken this long. I've dug my self a whole to deep to climb out of. At this point I might as well go deeper right?
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Post by icescythe on Mar 5, 2014 3:46:32 GMT
I am a recovering alcoholic 3 yrs since I had a drink. Well I was recovering. My life us crashing around me and I have no one I can call or come pick up. I have to be at work at 4 am but I'm not sure thats going to happen. My wife is convinced I hate her because of the way I treat her. I get home from a ten hr shift and I just yell at her for no reason. Hell id leave me. I dont why its taken this long. I've dug my self a whole to deep to climb out of. At this point I might as well go deeper right? Not at all, any point can be the turning point in your life, and driving the stake deeper does not help at all. What you need to do is to make a change in your life. Try changing the way you treat others or your world view. Yelling at the person that you have devoted yourself to was not a good way to release stress or frustration then, and not doing anything to remedy the situation now or even worsening it is not the answer. just try to do the right thing. apologize, even if she wont accept it, and at least make an attempt to right your wrongs. i hope you dont think i'm being insensitive or mean, i'm just trying to help. |
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Post by nightwolf on Mar 5, 2014 3:48:28 GMT
Dont you think I have done that? My wife is my entire world. I love her more than life itself. She is more whole purpose for being. I fucked up. Its to late
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Post by fustydavorite on Mar 5, 2014 3:50:36 GMT
Dude take a step back. Think about this proverbial hole. There's no bottom. But you can see the top. You know there's no bottom, nothing to reach or to strive for. Everyone has a hole they dig. Some dig it their entire lives and have nothing to show for besides some dark, nearly endless hole. There's no point in digging further. Those that find the strength start climbing out.
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Post by icescythe on Mar 5, 2014 3:52:24 GMT
Dont you think I have done that? My wife is my entire world. I love her more than life itself. She is more whole purpose for being. I fucked up. Its to late Sorry, man. I really wish i knew another way to help. What's done is done, but even so, drinking will not carry your pains away. That was all the advice i had to give, if it has failed you, then the only thing left to do is pick up the broken pieces and carry on... |
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Post by fustydavorite on Mar 5, 2014 3:55:07 GMT
Dont you think I have done that? My wife is my entire world. I love her more than life itself. She is more whole purpose for being. I fucked up. Its to late Then tell your wife that. Make that last effort. Give everything you've got to keep her. Don't give up on your wife, your life. She loves you. She's your fucking wife, man! That is the greatest love in this world! Don't let it be broken! |
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Post by abstractapathist on Mar 5, 2014 3:57:02 GMT
Emotions are volatile and hard to understand. On the subject of your wife, I'd recommend that you approach her when you are sober and you're feeling a little better and talk to her about your actions and affections. Perhaps she should not talk to you immediately after the frustration and sleep deprivation of a 12-hour shift, but rather let you recuperate (maybe take a nap) and let you approach her when you're in a proper state of mind.
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Post by icescythe on Mar 5, 2014 3:57:52 GMT
Dont you think I have done that? My wife is my entire world. I love her more than life itself. She is more whole purpose for being. I fucked up. Its to late Then tell your wife that. Make that last effort. Give everything you've got to keep her. Don't give up on your wife, your life. She loves you. She's your fucking wife, man! That is the greatest love in this world! Don't let it be broken! Amen, though he sounded to me as if he already had and the relationship was already broken beyond repair, i encourage Nightwolf to make every last effort in pursuit of his wife. |
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Post by fustydavorite on Mar 5, 2014 4:01:03 GMT
There is nothing that can't be forgiven, only people who refuse to forgive.
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Post by icescythe on Mar 5, 2014 4:03:28 GMT
There is nothing that can't be forgiven, only people who refuse to forgive. once again, i agree. It is not only Nightwolf's job to talk with her, it is also upon his wife to forgive him... |
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Post by nightwolf on Mar 5, 2014 4:04:02 GMT
I would never ask my wife to firvie myntransgressuons.
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Post by icescythe on Mar 5, 2014 4:06:54 GMT
I would never ask my wife to firvie myntransgressuons. asking your wife for forgiveness is the only foreseeable way of moving past it. Do it bawling and on your knees if you must, but if she truly means everything to you, then shes worth any price you would have to pay. |
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Post by Testset on Mar 5, 2014 4:08:13 GMT
Abstract is absolutely correct. Major decisions or conversations should not be done unless you are sober and rested. Believe me, I've been there. I've dealt plenty with addiction both with drinking and drugs.
It might seem like liquor means honesty, but judgment is the first thing to go, so don't trust that feeling. It's also a depressant, so it's no surprise that you are in this state, with all the other stuff added in.
Get some rest, get your head on straight.
If she truly loves you, she will understand that you are not yourself right now and give you a chance to talk about it.
If you love her, you will do what it takes to rectify this instead of wallowing in despair.
If you want to quit your addiction, you will. It's a crutch, and it has no more power than you allow it. Trust that I speak from experience.
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Post by abstractapathist on Mar 5, 2014 4:08:16 GMT
I would never ask my wife to firvie myntransgressuons. Then literally say, "I could never ask you to forgive me, but..." and there's a clause only you can fill in. As long as you're actively trying to salvage your relationship, you'd be surprised what can be forgiven. Just remember that she reserves the right to deny any request to make up for what you've done. |
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Post by nightwolf on Mar 5, 2014 4:12:09 GMT
I say that not out if stubborness or pride. I say that because why should I be forgivin for debasing my wife??
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Post by icescythe on Mar 5, 2014 4:19:09 GMT
I say that not out if stubborness or pride. I say that because why should I be forgivin for debasing my wife?? Because if she loves you, and understands what you are going through, and likewise you love her, and are committed to repenting, then she should forgive you. as the others have said, put down the drink and get some rest, talk to her when you are in your right mind and rested. |
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Post by abstractapathist on Mar 5, 2014 4:19:59 GMT
I say that not out if stubborness or pride. I say that because why should I be forgivin for debasing my wife?? When you talk to her, and you should, you can ask her whether she'd be happier if you changed your ways so you could at least try to stay together or if you should get a divorce, which i sincerely hope it does not come to. How you conduct yourself in relation to your wife should be based on her happiness and safety. While you might never forgive yourself, whether or not she does is something you can try to affect as long as you remember it's her decision. |
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Post by cbstrad on Mar 5, 2014 4:23:30 GMT
She stuck with you, man. That's why. She knows there's something in you worth fighting for.
Don't let her be wrong. Yeah, it'll take some time to rebuild your relationship. It'll be worth it in the long run when you can come home to a happy wife and a better life.
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Post by DrEggman on Mar 5, 2014 4:25:27 GMT
People we make suffer can usually forgive us, if we are sincere. It's ourselves that have a hard time with it
It's isn't your place to determine whether you can be forgiven. That decision belongs to God and your wife.
As far as God goes, he's forgiven much worse.
As for your wife, I'm sure she loves you, or she wouldn't have married you.
All you can do is make the effort, and I'm sure you can make things right. It's rarely ever "too late."
(Edit: sorry if you aren't religious, but it's just my perspective. It helped me)
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Post by fustydavorite on Mar 5, 2014 4:52:18 GMT
People we make suffer can usually forgive us, if we are sincere. It's ourselves that have a hard time with it It's isn't your place to determine whether you can be forgiven. That decision belongs to God and your wife. As far as God goes, he's forgiven much worse. As for your wife, I'm sure she loves you, or she wouldn't have married you. All you can do is make the effort, and I'm sure you can make things right. It's rarely ever "too late." (Edit: sorry if you aren't religious, but it's just my perspective. It helped me) I entirely agree. Your wife has a heart for you, so get some rest, compose yourself, and make the effort. Just make the effort. |
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Post by mikefrompluto on Mar 5, 2014 12:54:24 GMT
While it's true that what's done is done, the future is still unwritten. You don't strike me as an unreasonable guy, and it does seem like you both love each other. Just apologize to her and make an effort to change for the better.
Sometimes it's easy to lash out at those immediately around you (my wife and I have both been snappy towards each other on those long days,) but that's when you start to work on controlling those angry urges. I had some experiences in my life that shaped an unhealthy short temper. I know at some point you have to be an adult and take responsibility, and that's exactly what I did. So much happier now after I learned how to control my anger. Once you make a conscious effort to start working on your anger issues, you'll be a lot happier too (alcohol really doesn't help.) Anyone can do it if deep down they want to.
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Post by ieatfood7 on Mar 5, 2014 14:27:50 GMT
I'm sort of a private person, so I'm going to keep my advice in PM, but I thought I would post this here so that you would know to look for me PM message. For now I will just say that I have felt similarly, and things works out actually great, though it was a long hard slog. So don't lose hope. |
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